


A Series of Unfortunate Events

by w00t4ewan



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Awkward Sexual Situations, Coitus Interruptus, Drabble Collection, F/F, Fluff, Hilarity Ensues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-23
Updated: 2015-04-18
Packaged: 2018-03-14 16:39:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3417938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/w00t4ewan/pseuds/w00t4ewan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A series of unfortunate events (or how the team found out). This is a series of stories which details how each member of the BAU found out about JJ and Emily's relationship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Spencer Reid

Spencer Reid was usually one of the first agents to leave for the day due equally to the fact his work ethic was ostentatious and he prided himself in being able to finish a 10 page report in under an hour (much to the dismay of his fellow team members). So it was out of character one evening when he finally wrapped up his files around sunset. He looked around the bullpen for the first time in hours and realized his team had all but abandoned him. It was a nice day out and they had the weekend off, he really couldn’t hold it against them.

He packed up his satchel, checking his phone for any missed messages. As per usual, his inbox was empty. He wasn’t too offended, he didn’t have plans to hang out with anyone that weekend. Actually he was rather looking forward to a weekend alone with his favorite twenty books.

Reid tucked his ear buds into his ears, and headed toward the elevator. The car chimed as it descended to the parking garage.  
The car stopped and doors opened, Reid made his way into the garage fishing his keys from his satchel. He approached his car and happened to notice something odd. Emily’s SUV was still parked in the garage a row over from him. He was sure he had witnessed her head out over an hour before hand. He shrugged and assumed she had decided to go for drinks or something with another team member. Yet another outing he wasn’t invited too.

He had already gotten into his Prius when he noticed movement coming from Emily’s vehicle. He did a double take in his rear-view mirror to be sure he had observed what he thought. Sure enough, someone was in the SUV! Spencer lept into action, springing from his vehicle, gun drawn. He approached the SUV from the side slowly. He noticed the movement again as the unsub came into view. The unsub was wearing a dark colored hooded sweatshirt to conceal their identity. Reid side stepped closer as his pulse raced.

"FBI! GET OUT OF THE VEHICLE WITH YOUR HANDS UP!" he yelled as authoritatively as he could muster under the stress.

The unsub stopped rummaging around the back of the vehicle and put their hands up. Spencer was grateful they were complying. Then to his confusion, another set of hands raised up from the back seat. He paused for a moment deciding how to proceed, seeing as he was outnumbered. But he also seemed to be the only one who was armed.

"I’m going to open the side door, I want you both to get out slowly!" Reid demanded.

"Spencer?!" a voice yelled back. Reid froze in his tracks, frowning slightly.

"Jesus Christ Reid! You scared the shit out of us!" Emily yelled as her head popped up from under the unsub who was obviously lying on top of her.

"Emily?" Spencer questioned, holstering his gun. Suddenly the unsub he had originally noticed turned around, pulling the hood from her head. "JJ is that you!?"

After another moment of rummaging around and sheer confusion Emily and JJ emerged outside of the vehicle, somewhat out of breath. Reid blushed at their appearance, avoiding eye contact the best he could.

“Who the hell would try to steal a vehicle from the FBI parking garage, Spence?!” JJ asked through hurried breaths. Her hair was not quite as disheveled as Emily’s but Reid could fill in the blanks. He shuffled his feet against the concrete, kicking at invisible pebbles.

"I just thought…. I don’t know Jayje! Who the hell…” Reid trailed off searching for the right words. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to finish his question or not. He decided to simply nod in their direction and said, “Well I mean, I didn’t expect it was you two.”

"I guess it was sort of childish," JJ smiled as she nudged Emily jokingly. "Guess the cat’s out of the bag, babe."

"Is it though? I mean, it doesn’t have to be! I won’t tell anyone. I mean, it’s not like I saw anything!" Reid confessed reassuringly.

"Reid, it’s fine. I told her we shouldn’t fool around at work but I also wasn’t going to turn her down," Emily grinned as she pulled JJ in and planted a long kiss on the blonde’s lips, much to Reid’s embarrassment. Reid attempted to advert his eyes as he awkwardly twiddled his thumbs waiting to regain their attention. After a moment he finally cleared his throat loudly, they pulled apart and stared at him as if they’d totally forgotten he was standing there.

"Well, I guess we should all get going. Ummm, have a good weekend ladies," Reid forced a small smile.

"No way! Let us buy you a round of drinks at least. I mean you did just stop a car jacking!" Emily laughed. She punched Reid in the arm playfully and he rubbed at it uncomfortably.

"No thanks. If it’s all the same to you guys, I’d rather just go home and ignore any of this ever happened," Reid confessed.

"Fine, you’re loss though," JJ quipped as she laced Emily’s hand in hers, leaning against the older agent’s shoulder. Reid noticed the display of affection and frowned slightly. He realized their relationship all but eliminated any chance he ever had with JJ. Not that he wasn’t happy for his friends but he had always had a sort of crush on the blonde. He was, however, slightly relieved that men in general weren’t her type and it hadn’t just been an aversion against him.

They said their goodbyes and Reid headed back to his car. He sat in silence for a moment processing what he had just witnessed. He laughed at the misunderstanding, placed his keys in the ignition and pulled out of the garage waving at Emily and JJ as he passed their car.

"Are we going to tell him he’s the last to find out?" Emily asked JJ as they waved to their younger team member.

"No way!" JJ just shook her head and laughed as she got into the passenger seat. "He’s always the last to be let in on a joke. Let him have this one."


	2. Derek Morgan

"Finally, alone." Emily sighed as she pushed JJ against the wall and kissed her fervently. They had been cooped up at the local police station with the rest of the team all day and had barely had a moment to themselves. Now they were safely inside of the hotel room and Emily had many plans for their evening. 

Emily tugged at the hem off JJ's shirt pouting sadly at the younger agent. JJ rolled her eyes and removed her top as she kicked her shoes off in the doorway. They worked in unison to undress each other between fervent kisses as they made their way to one of the beds. Emily had always loved that the bureau put them in the same hotel room unknowingly, it made their relationship so much easier. 

Nearly an hour later Derek Morgan exited the elevator and made his way down the hallway. He had spent the evening chatting up a couple of lovely ladies in the hotel bar and was feeling happily buzzed. He hummed to himself as he passed JJ and Emily's door. He paused, noting that it was slightly ajar with ambient noise from the TV spilling into the hall through the crack. He looked up and down the hallway and saw no signs of either agent, so he tapped softly on the door. 

"Emily?" he called in a sort of loud whisper. It was a bit late and he didn't want to disturb any other hotel guests by raising his voice. There was no answer so he knocked a little louder, "JJ?" 

On the inside of the hotel room Emily was too busy between JJ's thighs to hear their team member calling their names. JJ pulled her hair roughly as the shock wave rolled over her.

"Oh god, I'm coming!" JJ wailed as she reached oblivion. 

Derek heard JJ and shrugged, opening the door and making his way into the room. He froze as he rounded the corner and took in the sight of Emily on her knees between JJ's thighs. 

"Holy fucking shit!" he exclaimed, startling the women half to death.

"MORGAN GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!" JJ screeched as she pulled at the covers in an attempt to hide herself. 

"You said come in!" Morgan exclaimed as he turned his back frantically, blushing to a deep maroon. 

"Jesus Christ Morgan! She said she was fucking _coming_!!" Emily clarified with a sort of smug grin on her face. She was less embarrassed that her partner had walked in on them and more proud at the fact she had managed to bring JJ to orgasm five consecutive times that night. 

Emily, who was still wearing bra and underwear erected herself from her current position on the floor and gathered up JJ's clothes from various places around the room. She handed the heap to JJ who was hiding completely under the comforter, pretending if she was out of sight this entire incident wasn't actually happening. 

"Well Derek, go on! It's not like we're going to invite you to join!" Emily urged as she shoved Derek out of the door and locked it behind him. 

Derek stood in the hallway completely at a loss for what had just occurred. His mouth gaped open as he blinked slowly trying to clear the image seared into his mind. He was suddenly brought back to reality when his phone buzzed, he fished it out of his pocket and opened the text message. 

**_Stop standing outside our door, Morgan. If you tell anyone about this you're dead to me_ **

He looked at the text and realized he had been lingering in the hallway for a good five minutes, lost in thought. He finally decided to take his chances. Wanting some answers he knocked on the door again. 

"Morgan, GO AWAY!" Emily yelled back.

"But, I just.... I mean... what the hell?" Morgan yelled clearly, no longer concerned with waking up the neighbors. 

"I'll buy you coffee for the next month if you just _GO AWAY!_ " JJ replied angrily. 

Before he could answer the elevator chimed and Hotch and Reid came bounding off, laughing to themselves. They approached Morgan , quietening their voices. 

"Morgan, what are you doing out here?" Hotch asked as he looked over the agent's shoulder, eyeing the females' room suspiciously. "You look like you've seen a ghost"

"I umm, I was just heading to my room," Morgan answered. He joined Reid and Hotch as the three men made their way down the hallway to their respective rooms. 

Emily pressed her ear against the door and listened for three individual clicks to indicate the other agents had all made it to their rooms. She slunk against the door and began laughing, JJ threw a pillow at her from across the room. 

"That's not funny!" JJ scowled, still huddled up on the bed. 

"I thought it was pretty hilarious," Emily admitted as she finally stood and made her way back to the bed. She fought to pull the covers away from the blonde who was rightly bundled underneath them. 

"He's going to tell everyone! We're royally screwed," JJ admitted hastily, attempting to get Emily to take the situation seriously. 

"Nah, he would have to admit he thought you said _come in_ in the middle of an orgasm. He's too embarrassed, and besides you offered the man free coffee for a month. He'll keep our secret," Emily grinned as she removed her remaining undergarments and snuggled next to JJ. 

JJ rolled her eyes, hoping Emily was right. It would be bad enough to have to deal with Derek in the morning, last thing she needed was the rest of the team imagining her naked with Emily between her legs. She let out a deep sigh and flicked off the light. 

"At least he didn't find out the same way Penelope did," Emily whispered before kissing her partner goodnight. JJ groaned thinking back on the incident with Penelope and blushed. Emily had a point, it could have been worse.


	3. Penelope Garcia

Penelope Garcia was the brightness of the BAU. In a job heavy with constant sorrow and seriousness she brought   
hope and happiness. Between her unique sense of style and the festive decor in her office she was the innocence  
the team needed to stay grounded in times otherwise bereft of optimism.

Penelope was humming along to her favorite pop band, typing quickly at her computer when her phone alerted her to a new text message. She rolled over to the other side of her desk and picked up her brightly colored phone smiling seeing a notification from her best friend, Jennifer Jareau. 

Meet me in my office after everyone else leaves, I have a special assignment for you.

Penelope checked the time and realized it was nearly 6:30pm already. She checked the cameras that overlooked the bullpen and noted a few agents still mingling. She shrugged and went back to her work to pass the time until she met JJ for whatever shenanigans she was planning. It wasn't unusual for JJ to make strange requests. She and Penelope shared a love for James Bond and loved playing secret agent in their spare time around the office. They were always giving each other secret tasks to complete without getting caught, mostly these tasks were messing with Derek and Emily. General office pranks like switching the sugar for salt, or stealing their phones and renaming all of their contacts. General tomfoolery but it brought humor to the job and laughter was often scarce at the BAU. 

Another thirty minutes passed and Penelope checked the cameras again seeing the bullpen had cleared save for Emily, who was working unusually late. Penelope shrugged and decided she'd go meet JJ despite the lone agent left at her desk. 

Pen hummed the Bond theme as she stealthily moved down the hallway towards JJ's office. She managed to avoid Emily's notice and entered JJ's office without knocking. She shut the door behind her, finally allowing herself to focus on her blonde cohort who was facing away from the door in her executive leather chair. 

"It's about time! I have a throbbing desire and only you can relieve it Agent," JJ husked in a deep tone. She turned around in her chair to reveal herself to her guest. She was wearing one of Hotch's suit jackets and a tie, with nothing underneath. 

As soon as JJ's eyes met Penelope's she let out a loud shriek. Penelope let out a matching yip and spun around to keep from ogling JJ's scantly clad situation. 

"PENELOPE?! What are you even doing here still?" JJ screeched as she pulled the jacket tight to cover her bare breasts. 

"You told me to meet you for a special assignment!" 

Just then the door flew open and Emily came rushing in, having heard the terrified screams. She first saw Penelope who was shielding her eyes while her back was turned to JJ's desk. Then she finally saw JJ cowering behind her desk mostly topless.

"I heard screams but I am clearly interrupting something," Emily stammered trying not to burst into laughter. 

"JJ why are you naked?!" Penelope asked through a series of high pitched squeaks. 

"Yes, agent Jareau. Why are you naked?" Emily repeated, smiling from ear to ear. 

"I'm NOT naked! And you are supposed to be gone for the day Penelope!" 

"You told me to meet you in your office for a special assignment!"

"I did no such thing! I sent that text to...." JJ trailed off as she and Penelope both came to the same realization and looked across the office to the brunette standing in the door way. Emily couldn't hold back any longer and burst into laughter at the mistake. 

"You and YOU?" Pen gasped as she spun around to face the two offenders. 

"Admittedly, this is not how we planned on telling you," Emily grinned, making her way over to JJ. She leaned down and kissed her partner passionately. "Sorry you had to see _this_ " Emily motioned to JJ who was scarlet with embarrassment. 

"Well I mean, it's about time! But you guys really need to check your texts before sending them next time," Pen confessed as she picked up JJ's shirt from the couch and handed it to the blonde who was frozen to the spot. 

"I'm so sorry PG," JJ finally whispered as Penelope turned her back so JJ could get dressed. 

"Wait! What do you mean _it's about time_?" Emily asked, raising a skeptic eyebrow. 

"Well we've all been waiting for you two to finally get past your stubbornness and get together," Pen chuckled.

Truth was the team had been talking about the potential relationship since Emily first joined the BAU and had immediately taken to the younger agent. Unbeknownst to the women, the rest of the team deemed them Ross and Rachel and had been anxiously awaiting the day they would finally just sleep together. 

"Because frankly, the sexual tension between you two is hotter than Los Angeles in a heat wave," Penelope explained. 

"Well don't go telling everybody, PG." JJ begged with sad eyes. 

"Aww come on guys! I really want to blog about this later!" Penelope laughed sarcastically. 

The three women packed up their things and headed out for the night, still laughing at the confusion. It wasn't until they had finally made it to their vehicles that a thought crossed Penelope's mind. She quizzically placed a finger to her pursed lips and frowned looking at the happy couple who were walking hand in hand behind her. 

"I just realized something... where did you get that suit jacket?" 

Emily and JJ paused as a look of horror passed over both of their faces as they simultaneously chimed, "No comment!"


	4. Aaron Hotchner

Aaron Hotchner pushed his way into his hotel room as he let out a large yawn. The team had been at the precinct all day and he was exhausted. He set his bag down in the closet as he kicked off his shoes and sat down on the edge of the bed. He rubbed his tired feet and pulled his phone out of his pocket. It was getting late and he wanted to call Jack to wish him goodnight. 

"Hey buddy," he smiled into the receiver as his son answered happily. 

The two talked for a few minutes before Susan, the babysitter, took over the conversation at Hotch's request. He made sure Jack had been behaving and she confirmed he was just an absolute doll. Hotch wished the two good night and hung up the phone. He laid back on his bed and closed his eyes for just a moment. 

Before he knew it he had drifted off to sleep, jolting awake an hour later still in his suit and tie. He rolled over and stared at the clock, it was past midnight. He sighed and got up from the bed making his way to the bathroom. He grabbed his bag and began to undress. Hotch opened the bag and reached in to find his toiletry bag, instead he found a pair of lacy black underwear. He dropped the underwear back in the bag and took a closer look, realizing he and Emily must had accidentally switched bags somehow. It happened more often than not since they all had the same standard issue go-bag. He must have grabbed hers by mistake. 

He went to his phone and pulled up Emily's number. He listened as the phone rang about ten times before going to voice mail. _Great, probably already asleep._ he thought as he frowned at the bag. He picked up the hotel phone and called the front desk.

"Yes, this is Agent Hotchner in room 405. I seemed to have mixed up my bag with one of my team members and i need to know her room number," he explained. The receptionist declined to give the information over the phone without proper identification, which Hotch was impressed by although inconvenienced. He grabbed his badge and headed downstairs with Emily's bag. 

Once he showed proper ID to the front desk the receptionist attempted to call Emily's room but said there was no answer. Again, proving she was probably already asleep. Hotch didn't like the idea of waking her but he needed his bag to get ready for bed and he only partially wondered how she had managed to go to bed without realizing the mix up herself. 

Hotch rode alone on the elevator to the sixth floor before the bell chimed and the door opened to a deserted hallway. He followed the signs, walking slowly down the corridor to room 615. He knocked softly at first, no answer. He knocked again a bit louder, no answer. He nearly decided just to give up and deal with it in the morning when he heard movement inside the room. _Oh thank goodness_ he thought as he stood outside the door awaiting an answer. Another moment passed and he decided to knock one last time. 

Finally he heard the lock from the other side and smiled as the door opened. His reaction quickly changed as he was met by Emily wearing his button down and tie from his go bag. Yes, Emily Prentiss was answering the door in an oxford and tie and nothing else. 

"Hotch!?" she gasped as she shielded her precarious outfit with the door. "I thought you were room service!"

"Emily, I .... ummm," Hotch averted his eyes as he held up her bag. "I think we switched bags."

"Tip him and hurry back to bed so I can finish undressing you, Agent!" came a voice from the bedroom behind Emily. 

Hotch's ears perked a bit and he looked past Emily to see JJ wearing even less clothing. He raised an eyebrow, "Agent Jareau?" he blurted out before he could put his thoughts together. 

"SHIT!" JJ squealed as she bolted into the bathroom. 

"Umm, this is sufficiently awkward," Emily admitted through a forced smile. 

"Quite," Hotch agreed. He cleared his throat and searched for the correct words. "Well, umm here's your bag."

"Right, yeah, thanks," Emily reached out and took her bag, holding the button up closed with her other hand. "I can umm, give you your stuff if you just wait a moment...."

"Nope. No, it's good. Just ummm, just keep it."

"No Hotch, let me get your bag," Emily walked into the bedroom to fetch Hotch's go bag, leaving the door open. Hotch couldn't help but notice one of his suit jackets laying in a heap on the floor along with what appeared to be the rest of Agent Jareau's clothing. 

"Well that was close," Hearing the silence, JJ decided to make her escape from the bathroom, assuming Hotch had left. She quickly realized the error of her ways and stood in front of an open door in her underwear, staring back at her supervisor who looked thoroughly confused. She froze and straightened up as she realized she had been caught. 

"Agent." she nodded curtly. 

"Agent." Hotch replied. 

Emily reappeared with Hotch's bag and shyly handed it to him. He looked at her with a heavy stare and she realized she was still wearing his clothing. She blushed and nodded in understanding, "I can umm just go change..."

"No, you know. Just keep it. Really," Hotch replied not wanting to have to wait at the door for even another moment. 

"Alright then, goodnight Hotch."

"Good night Agent Prentiss. Agent Jareau." he nodded and left quickly down the hallway, nearly knocking the room service cart over which an employee was pushing down the hallway toward the room. 

The employee arrived to find the door of room 615 already ajar with two scantly clad women standing frozen with jaws hanging open. He had been working at the hotel long enough to not be embarrassed at such a scene. He simply asked where they wanted their champagne, placed their bottle upon the designated table, accepted his tip and made his exit. If only Emily, JJ and Hotch could have dealt with the situation as suavely.


End file.
